Nun Magdalena (Nacheva)
nun Magdalena writes:
"When, after many years, many trials of our family, many sins and falls,
the Lord wanted to enlighten me and draw me to himself, it happened like this. I
was about 16 years old. My father was in prison, and I and my mother went to church
on Good Friday evening in the temple of "St. Nedelya - Kiriakia". This time I went without
protests and stood calmly; it was good for me in the temple. The next day, late
in the evening, we went again to hear "Christ is risen!" It was the first
Easter we would celebrate alone, without my father, and we were sad. In addition,
we were also worried about our future - my mother did not have a job. We waited
a long time for the service to begin. We were seated on the steps of the royal throne.
St. A cross still stood in the middle of the church with three large candles on
it, lit according to Bulgarian custom. He kept catching my eye. The service began
and shortly before they took St. Cross (before they came out for "Christ is
Risen"), I looked at it and thought: "They say that Christ died for the
sins of us all, is that really so?" And suddenly something unusual happened
to me: it was as if some veil fell from my heart's eyes and some power passed through
my whole being! Everything changed in me - another person was discovered in me,
with other thoughts and feelings. I was filled with extraordinary joy and melted
in God's presence. God revealed himself to me and I saw Him with the eyes of my
heart, I believed in Him and no one and nothing in the world could tell me that
there is no God!... My mother asked me if I was not sorry that I was so pale , but
at that moment the clergy went out, so did we, and she ceased to deal with me. I
was beside myself, my heart was burning, I could not see anything, nor did I hear.
When we then returned to the church and the bishop began to read in Bulgarian the
word of St. John Chrysostom, I listened, stretched like a string, and every word
hit my heart and inflamed it even more. My mother fearfully suggested that we stay
for the Liturgy as well, I nodded affirmatively, but I wanted to stay in the temple
forever, not to leave it, to be with the Lord.
Thus the Lord called my sinful soul on the evening of Great Saturday, against the glorious Christian holiday - Passover, when in ancient times Christians baptized their proclaimed ones.
After my conversion, which I hid from my mother (because I didn't want to show
anyone my holy-saints), I radically changed my life. My mother, as well as others,
saw this, but she was satisfied, and I did not pay attention to the stories of others.
I felt I had found my way. I tried to live as a Christian and, most importantly,
to constantly repent of my previous life. I felt God's strong help against the devil
attacking me, especially during night prayers. I was also helped by St. Seraphim
of Sarov and Archbishop Seraphim .
I devoted myself more and more to penitential prayer, and my prayer experience
taught me an invaluable rule - not to stop praying, but to force myself even if
my prayer does not go well. And always after such a forced prayer, I received God's
mercy, which filled me with such joy that I stayed for a long time to pray...
Shortly before graduating from high school, I was with my mother at Great Vespers
on the temple holiday in the "All Joys of Sorrowful Joy" at the Russian
Monument. During the service, it was so nice, so warm to my heart, that I thought:
"Couldn't it be that I'm always in or around church?" And my heart only
answered: "If you become a nun, you will always be at the temple." And
I immediately decided and promised to become a nun. After the service, I prayed
for a long time in front of the miraculous icon "It is worthy to eat",
and the next day, after the Liturgy, when we were returning with my mother, I revealed
my desire to her. She was silent for a long time and finally told me that she agreed
and didn't mind, but she didn't know how and when it could happen. And then we walked
for a long time and talked spiritually that there is nothing better than serving
God."
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